I’m a single straight white guy. I’m overweight, bald, and hairy—basically not the best genetics. If I were neurodivergent, I’d have “bad genes bingo.” Oh wait, I kind of do!
I decided to try some dating apps to break my long-lasting singleness. I came across one called Hickey, which had good reviews, so I thought, why not?
Well, here’s why not! It turned out to be a money trap filled with bots and scammers. The first sign was that I matched with a bunch of super attractive women. Me! They were all 10/10, while I feel like a sun-damaged potato.
At first, I thought, “Maybe they have bad taste,” and went with it. Hickey has a feature called “Fun Moments” where you can un-blur pictures using tokens. You start with a few free tokens, but then you have to pay for more. If I didn’t un-blur a lady’s picture, she would say, “You don’t like my photo?” So, my ADHD kicked in, and I impulsively bought tokens to see more pretty faces. That’s how they get you—target lonely people and make them pay for pictures they could find for free elsewhere!
The third clue was when I commented on a “Friday the 13th” shirt one match was wearing, and she looked confused.
Getting suspicious, I asked for a selfie of her touching her nose as proof she was real. She sent a picture of herself in her underwear, but didn’t touch her nose! When I asked again, she said she didn’t want to look stupid.
Okay…
I asked another match for the same thing, and she got defensive. I sent her a selfie of me touching my nose to show I wasn’t a bot. She accused me of having trust issues and said she wanted reassurance too. I replied, “Okay, send me a picture of your… you know.” She refused, saying that would get her banned. When I asked if the app would ban her, she just paused. Then she asked if she could come over to my house on my day off, which felt like a huge jump! I suggested a public place instead, but she said no.
This made me research dating app scams. In some cases, if I send a picture of my genitals, they might say, “Surprise! I’m underage! Pay me or go to jail!” Sending dick pics is just a bad idea anyway—I don’t even want to see my own!
I asked if she still wanted a picture of me, and she said yes. So, I sent her a picture of me flipping her off and wrote, “Tell your bosses they failed. I’m deleting this app.”
She replied, “Fine, I’ll find someone else. The line is long.”
So, I deleted Hickey and now I’m back to being lonely, but with a bit of trust issues.
Now I have some questions for you Redditors: Am I being paranoid for asking for the nose-touching selfie? Is that weird? Did I overreact? Are there better ways to spot fake profiles? And do you have any app recommendations?