My mother-in-law has been scammed repeatedly over the last 4 years. It’s heartbreaking to think about how much money she’s lost. First, it was fake dogs online, and now she’s been helping a so-called celebrity going through a divorce. She doesn’t tell my husband about these things until it gets really bad.
This time, when he called her to invite her to our son’s first birthday party, she couldn’t come because her car was repossessed. Apparently, the scammers got her car payment money. She needs $2100 to get it back.
She does have a financial advisor managing her retirement account, and he’s been pushing my husband to get power of attorney to help protect what she has left. Of course, she doesn’t want to hand over control. Is it wrong to use the $2100 as a way to convince her? My husband will help her no matter what, but I think he should point out that this situation shows she needs someone else managing things for a bit.
If we do get power of attorney, what should we watch out for? Are there any risks or tax issues if we set up new accounts for her retirement funds and bill payments?
Just a heads-up for anyone here—scammers might start messaging you if you post about stuff like this. They’ll claim they know a hacker or lawyer who can help you get your money back for a fee. Don’t trust anyone messaging you privately about this. Keep the conversation here in the open where others can help spot scams. Stay safe!
Following because we’re dealing with something similar. I’ve read that someone with POA can be removed by the person who gave it at any time with written notice. You just need to act in their best interest. Also, don’t move her money into your own accounts. It’s better to add your husband to her accounts so he can manage things there directly.
Jason said: @Lilly
This. And don’t give her $2100 directly to get the car back. Pay the repo company or whoever has it directly instead.
That’s what we’re planning. She’s taken money out of her retirement before to get her car back, but the scammers had access to her bank account and took it anyway…
Having power of attorney doesn’t mean she can’t keep spending her money however she wants. If she agrees to let you handle her finances, you can try paying her bills and giving her an allowance, but that requires her cooperation. If she won’t agree to stop making transactions, it might not help.
If things keep getting worse, a court could grant conservatorship, which would completely stop her from managing her finances. But that’s a big step. Maybe frame it as, “Let me take care of everything for now, Mom. You can get full control back later if things improve.”
It sounds like she’s stuck in a cycle. Even if you help her now, she’ll likely keep falling for scams. Cutting her off from the scammers is hard—they always find a way to reach out again. These cases are some of the hardest to deal with.
You’re calling it ‘soft leverage’? I’d go for ‘hard leverage.’ Maybe something like, “Mom, we’ll help you get the car back tomorrow, but for the next two years, we manage your finances. After that, we’ll reevaluate.”
Set up a joint account, redirect her income there, and don’t let her have a debit card. Instead, give her a prepaid card for day-to-day spending, like the TrueLink Prepaid Visa. It has controls you can use to limit spending and protect her money. Emphasizing that this is temporary might make her more willing to agree.
@TurboTrailblazer
Good idea in theory, but if it’s a joint account, she can still go to the bank and get a new card issued. You can’t fully stop her unless you go through the courts for conservatorship. And that’s not cheap or easy.
Power of attorney isn’t what you think it is. You should definitely talk to a family attorney to explore your options. That’s the best way to figure out what’s doable and what isn’t.
If you pay the $2100, make sure you own the car afterward. Otherwise, you’re just throwing money away. Are you okay with taking over all the payments too? If not, it’s probably best to let the car go.
It doesn’t seem like she’s at the stage where conservatorship is necessary, but she definitely needs oversight. Maybe ask her to check in with you or your husband before making financial decisions. It could help prevent further scams.
If your husband gets POA, he could put spending limits on her account through online banking. He can also set up a new phone for her with a different number and restrict social media and messaging apps. This might slow the scammers down. She needs new hobbies or activities to fill her time. Right now, it sounds like she’s getting hooked on the interaction with the scammers, and that’s tough to break.
@Lilly
The phone idea is good. She’s been isolating herself a lot lately. We’ve tried to get her involved in things like senior center classes or even just visiting us more often, but nothing seems to stick.
You might want to check if her medications are affecting her behavior. Some medications, like dopamine agonists, can cause impulsive behavior. These are often used for Parkinson’s but can also treat restless legs or other conditions.