Sorry, I made a mistake in the title, should have said elderly aunt scammed out of 35k… I’m feeling pretty overwhelmed.
Hi everyone! I’m a bit embarrassed posting here about something so serious, but I really need some advice on what to do next.
My great aunt is in her 70s and has mental health issues that she’s dealt with her whole life. She’s a kind woman who would help anyone, but unfortunately, this kindness doesn’t mix well with her being active on Facebook. A few years ago, she fell for a romance scam and sent a package with cash and gold jewelry to someone who claimed to be a man named ‘Russell’. She believed him completely.
Now, she’s become infatuated with another man online, and I’m sure it’s another scam. This guy says he’s a ‘doctor for the UN in Syria’—I know this can’t be true, and there’s a ton of posts about the same scam. He claims to have a sick son who calls her ‘mom’. My aunt believes this and talks to him on the phone. She even sent him $37k to bring him and his son over to the US. I’ve got the email she got from him with a fake UN logo, and it’s just heartbreaking that she fell for it again. She’s convinced she’s in love with him and won’t listen to anyone saying he’s fake. My mom has been trying not to press the issue.
The worst part is that my aunt has Parkinson’s, and it’s getting worse quickly. She’s sent almost all of her remaining money to him, and once it’s gone, she won’t have anything left. I don’t think there’s any way we’ll get the money back, but I’m sure this scammer has targeted others as well. I don’t know what to do. I’m torn between trying to report this to someone, but she might never talk to us again if I do—she gets really upset when we criticize her. But if I don’t do anything, she’ll be left destitute. Should I call APS? Is there anything else I can do? I even thought about messaging the guy on Facebook to try to scare him off.
Sorry for the long post. This is really tearing me up and I feel so lost.
Hey there, just a heads up to everyone: be careful when taking advice from private messages after posting here. Scammers often reach out to offer recovery services. These people are called recovery scammers, and they might ask for a small fee to help you get the money back. Just don’t engage with them privately—make sure any advice you take is in the open, so the community can help you keep an eye on things. You can always report suspicious behavior using the report button.
You might have to consider taking her phone and computer away, deleting her social media accounts, and cutting off her internet access. I know it sounds harsh, but right now it’s about stopping her from losing everything. It’s going to be really hard to get that money back, so you might have to let go of the idea of getting it back.
She’s in her 70s, and with Parkinson’s, this could get really bad. If she keeps sending money like this, she could end up homeless or worse. The scammer doesn’t care about her. You have to step in and stop her from making this mistake. It’s like trying to stop someone from driving into a tree—you can’t just sit by and watch. It might be uncomfortable, but she could end up facing a criminal charge if she gets involved in more scams. You need to act, talk to someone she trusts, reach out to her bank and doctor.
@Jonathan
Definitely talk to her doctor. She could be showing signs of dementia, which could qualify her for a legal guardian to manage her finances. It’s tough, but you need to be prepared for her to resist. People who fall for romance scams don’t want to face the reality—they’ll get really mad when you try to make them see the truth. But don’t let that stop you from helping.
This is definitely a romance scam, and unfortunately, it’s not unusual for scams like this to target elderly and vulnerable people. The scammer is running multiple scams at once, and your aunt is just one victim. At this point, it’ll be hard to convince her otherwise because she’s so invested in this fantasy. If you can, try to have an authority figure talk to her about it. It’s important to stop any more money from being sent to this person. The scammers don’t care about her—they’ll just take everything she has.
If she’s mentally ill and dealing with Parkinson’s, it might be time to set up a Lasting Power of Attorney. It’s a legal step that can help manage her finances and protect her from making bad decisions. You might need to handle things very carefully, especially since she believes in this man. But this could be a way to keep her savings safe.
@Braint
In the US, you’d need a conservatorship. It’s a legal process, and it’s not easy, but it sounds like your aunt might qualify. It’s worth looking into.
Be very careful of recovery scammers. They prey on people who’ve already been scammed, promising to get your money back—for a fee, of course. Unfortunately, your aunt willingly sent the money, and the authorities can’t do much about it because the scammer is overseas. The best you can do now is stop her from sending any more money or assets.
@Brian
Just a reminder about recovery scams: these scammers will try to convince you that they can get your money back, but they’ll just take more money from you. Don’t engage with them. If someone contacts you privately about this, they are likely a scammer themselves. Always get advice in the open from trusted community members.